We've had a rough two weeks. I know it's partly cabin fever, and missing school like crazy (she asks at least twice a day if she can go to school!) but the other reasons I have no idea where they are coming from. She can morph from a sweet, helpful, respectful child into quite the opposite in a matter of minutes. She has all of a sudden become jealous of Chessidy and would prefer if everyone just ignored Chessidy and paid attention to HER! She is being mean to Chessidy more often as well, and that is the hardest thing to figure out and deal with!
Today I've been a bit under the weather, and that lead to a situation where I asked Ila to play with Chessidy IN the play & pack. I was sitting in the chair right next to the P&P, and I'm certainly glad I was. There was pushing, toy steeling, screaming, and overall unkind behavior coming from Ila, directed at Chessidy. After a few minutes of this "play" time was over and we all had snuggle time instead. I sat there holding my two girls, in opposite arms and wondered how it feels to be asked to play with your little sister, when you have grand ideas for play time that DON'T involve said sister.
I don't want to make this sound terrible, 90% of the time Ila and Chessidy spend playing together it is a happy & fun time. Ila is VERY helpful with Chessidy and Chessidy ADORES Ila, as all little sisters adore their big sister! They laugh so much together and have so much fun.
I just wonder what goes on in Ila's head when I say "Ila, please got play with Chessidy." or "Ila, will you talk to Chessidy while mommy does _______ please?" or "Oh, Ila, grab that from Chessidy, quick!" as Chessidy finds something dangerous and it's approaching her mouth and I'm on the other side of the room! Ila is so quick to listen when I ask her these things, but I want to know WHAT and HOW she feels about it. I'm guessing that the 90% of the time they get along when I ask Ila to help, Ila GENUINELY loves it! She is a bit bossy and very independent I'm sure it's nice to have permission and even have Mommy ASK for help with Chessidy. I'm starting to think that the 10% of the time it doesn't go well is those times when Ila has bigger and better plans for her time.
That leads me to this thought: I should stop the poor behavior when I see it and ASK Ila why she is making bad choices. That does not necessarily mean she will get to go do whatever she wanted to do, but at least we'll be talking about it. It's important that kids learn to obey and listen, even when they don't want too. And it's important to teach them to think of others before themselves too! I do however, need to be more mindful of what is going on in Ila's mind and help her to communicate that.
I'm hoping this will help the negative behavior I've seen more of these past few weeks. Any big sisters out there have thoughts on the matter?
i don't think the reason "why?" is important. i don't even think that talking about why she did it would help. honestly, it's the core of all humans... we have a sinful nature.
ReplyDeleteyou need to help her turn from this sin and choose to do what is right. kids are sinful just like adults... we need to train them to do what is right, even when it isn't what they initially want.
that's my input. i know it's not easy to hear that your kids are sinful, but we all are. even at the cute age of 3.
<3 to you all...
Oh I'm fine with hearing about my kids being sinful, I know they are indeed! :)
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point, it is vital to teach them and to choose what is right. I want to understand her more though, and I think that talking about our feelings is an important step in development. I want to hear HER think through her actions and what was behind it because I think that it will help her become more aware of that sinful nature.
Thanks for the input, sister! Do you remember going through this as a big sister???
not at that age.
ReplyDeleteSince Ila is barely three years old, I think it's highly probable that she can't even figure out WHY she does what she does. At that age, oftentimes the best solution is just to redirect her (to other things) rather than making a big deal out of her negative behavior. It takes a lot of effort, because you can't turn your attention away for a second (lest she do something hurtful to her sister), but this too shall pass. As she gets older (and Chessidy gets older) they'll be closer to the same developmental stage and that will be condusive to play. lylyly
ReplyDeleteI have similar problems with my kids and I don't think it has to do with sisters as much siblings. I remember not getting along with my siblings and I remember getting along with my siblings. Isaac and Annie really do play together well. They also have a really good go at each other at least one time everyday. Most times it has to do with wanting the same thing or that one person is really bugging the other person. It can get violent between them, but it usually comes from both sides. I managed to get through those times by separating them, putting the instigator in timeout, taking away the thing they both want, having them share, having them apologize, having them hug. Unfortunately I think that all parents with multiple children have to deal with this at least once. Your girls are still really young. They will have their moments, but for the most part, they will really love each other. Just remember that children are really self centered. It's naturally how they are. We try to teach them to share and to care for one another. But I do think that they can be trained or conditioned to act in a certain, more pleasing, way. We just have to be consistent with our response. And I always try to remember that the child isn't bad, but their actions are.
ReplyDeleteI love your thoughts. I don't have any specific advice since I was the baby too! But in my opinion I would ask her why. It doesn't mean you will let her have her way or won't deal with her sinful heart, it does mean you'll foster open communication. I want nothing more than for Joshua to feel like he can come to me and talk, even in his brokenness and wrong choices. She may not really know why she's doing it yet but starting the conversation now will just help pave the way. Just my thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteYou may not remember but you and Chris sometimes really went at it and your girls are the same age difference. I usually tried to redirect the play instead of focusing on who was "bad or wrong". Of course by the time you were 1.5 you could take your soft hearted brother on or just bite him so then we had to change tactics. Just remember you are really lucky that the good time is 90% and not the other way around. You are a great mom and will get thru this.
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