Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Flying to a funeral, sliding to a graduation and swinging to a wedding! by Nicole

What a crazy few weeks it has been here in our Becker Family. So much has happened I hardly know where to start....

Ila took her first plane ride a week ago.
We flew from Portland to Boise. She was awesome. My Aunt Jill met us at the airport (since she lives near it) and brought Ila a new book and some fun little "this is my first flight" papers to give to our seat mates. We both thought that was pretty great. While the plane was taxiing Ila waved out the window and said "bye bye" until we took off. That was about 10 minutes. She got a little nervous sometime during take-off, because it was pretty loud, but she never once threw a fit, cried, or misbehaved on our 60 minute adventure in the air. She made friends with everyone around us, and gave them all high fives.

We were in Boise for several reasons. A funeral, a graduation and a wedding. So we were BUSY, BUSY, BUSY! Of course there was time (not enough time of course, but beggars can be choosers!) for some great quality time with people: coffee dates, park play time, BBQ, movies, shopping and meals, and there was even time for a massage (thanks Trent for sending me to that!). I had some quality time with a few cousins that I have not gotten to
hang out with for a LONG time, and that was WONDERFUL!

Another first to Ila was playing at the park. We met our Boise cousins there and had fun playing. Ila enjoyed the slides she went
and she LOVED swinging,
but she found her way over to familiar playing ground after some time had passed...
...I guess she just likes to play in the dirt and grass, even if there is a lot of equipment to play on.

Ila got some good snuggles in with people too. She had to get woken up from her nap for the funeral, and Uncle Chris had a nice shoulder to finish resting on!

During the week there was lots of shopping and fun. Ila got her very own fruit smoothie from the coffee shop when her Grandma and I stopped. She had peach, and LOVED it. She drank every last drop!
On Friday night Trent got to join us for some more Boise fun.

My parents had a BBQ on Sat. and invited both our close by families over, so we got to see Trent's
parents, and most of our Boise families. We had a great time chatting, playing and eating.
Here is Ila, playing tag with her cousins and her Marma!

Sat. night I went off to a bachelorette party and had a blast! We went out for dinner, then back to the bride's house for games. I have not laughed that much in a long time! On Sunday, Trent, Ila and I went shopping at Kohl's (I love that store) and then during Ila's nap Trent and I went and saw a movie. It sure was fun! Then the evening came and we went to the wedding, which was awesome! Grandma and Grandpa took Ila home before the dancing started though, because she was READY to get some sleep. Trent and I stayed and boogied on the dance floor.

Monday morning rolled around and we got our stuff together and headed back home. I spent the afternoon unpacking and cleaning while Trent mowed the lawn.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Communion by Nicole

Getting down to the nitty gritty, the deep stuff can be difficult. In relationships with others, with yourself and with God it can all be difficult. It's no surprise to any of our blog readers, family and friends that the last month and a half have been pretty difficult for our Becker family. You can read below for the details, if your just tuning in now, but I will recap for you as well.

Beginning of April- found out our little flicker of life growing inside my body was not growing or flickering.
The following week- told that the flicker of life was back!
the next day- told that the flicker of life really was gone.
Mid-April- had a miscarriage, which was not pretty or painless and involved a trip to the ER and the OR
Beginning of May- Trent lost a good friend from high school to cancer. We went to Jerome for his funeral.
Mid-May- My Great Aunt passed away. Ila and I are going to her funeral next week.

Of course there have been good things in the midst of these heartbreaks, but that is not what the blog is about.

When I found out that I was going to have another miscarriage I was utterly heartbroken. I had times when I thought that there was no way I could handle the pain of losing another baby, and I felt totally stuck in sorrow. I knew in my brain that it was time to press into the Lord, but I often forgot what that meant and what it looked like. Mostly though, I felt forgotten. I felt like God had blessed us with the miracle of conceiving a child, and then forgotten the delicate intricacies of getting that baby through 9 months of necessary growth before delivery. All along I knew in my head that my Father was not in the least bit forgetful, but my heart couldn't get there. I felt at times that I was living in a world where God existed, loved and looked after all of his children except me, because I was a forgotten. Again and again I told myself that this was not the case, and Trent kept reminding me of God's love and sacrifice for me, and I knew it to be true, but didn't feel it to be true.

So there I was, feeling empty. There was a communion service at Trent's friend Tom's funeral. Trent and I took communion and as I was walking back to my seat, after eating and drinking the blood of Christ, it all came back. There was the Lord, in me. The physical aspect of the symbolic act of eating and drinking the flesh and blood of Christ, the taking in of the Lord, was just that. There He was, God, in me once again. I felt light, a heaviness lifted from my heart, and so totally not forgotten. At the same time I also knew that it was not that God had forgotten me, or left me in any way, it's that the grief, confusion and emotional distress of the loss of another life IN me had veiled the presence of the Lord in me. But there He came, bursting out from behind the veil, from out of the room I had stored Him in, from my brain into the rest of me.

In reflection on this whole event, I can see God everywhere. Covering me in love, taking care of me through my sorrows, even though He knew I was feeling completely forgotten He would not let it be so. See, God loves us fiercely! Even the way in which He was unveiled once again to me shows me how much the Lord knows me, cares for me and desires closeness with me. He waited with me and in me, never leaving me for a second. And then, in the power of communion, all was recognized and revealed once again.

I've had a much better time sorting through all these feelings of loss over the past 2 weeks. I feel like I'm capable of dealing with these feelings, that we will get through this miscarriage and grow from it. I don't feel forgotten or alone in my personal sorrow and pain. How awesome is it that even in our internal sorrow, pain, problems etc. we are not alone?! It is so much better to have the Lord to hold my hand while I sort through my own feelings that there are no words or ways to share with Trent. Some things really are completely uncommunicable, and it is easy to feel desperate and alone with those feelings, but with God you don't feel that way.

So here I am, back in communion with God, sorting, dealing and healing with Him & with Trent. They say when it rains, it pours, and I won't disagree with that, but I will encourage you to let God be your umbrella.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Memory Pictures. by Nicole

Memory pictures is an idea I got watching the movie "Elizabethtown." It's the idea of taking snapshots with your mind (or, you can take them with an imaginary camera [using your hands of course]) to preserve a memory. It is quite handy in situations where you don't have a camera, but also when a photo just can't catch the memory just right.

This evening Trent and Ila were pulling weeds together while I cooked dinner. I caught glimpses out the kitchen window and took memory pictures. They were so sweet together, Trent would pull the weeds and give them to Ila, who would march them over to the pile and then run back for more. They work well together. Trent had told me as they went outside to come and get Ila once I was done cooking. So I finished cooking and went to get her. "Can't she stay out a little longer babe? She is having so much fun!" Trent said to me. So back inside I came.

I figured this was one of those memory photos that others might be able to imagine and enjoy! Also, I wanted to encourage you to take memory photos, because there are way too many moments that happen in life that you want to remember and cherish!

Monday, May 2, 2011

18 months! by nicole

Well, our little Ila has reached the 18 month mark in her life. Most people would say "it seems like yesterday that i was holding my baby in my arms." I would say "it seems like 18 months ago I was holding new born Ila in my arms!" And what a great 18 months of joy she has brought to us.
As I write this Ila is destroying a freshly opened box of kleenex. Usually I would put a stop to this behavior, but since she already ruined it last week, while I was
cooking dinner, I don't see the harm in her continuing to do so. She loves pulling things out and putting them back in, and does not seem worried in the least that the all the kleenex once fit nicely into the box, and now there is not enough room in the box for them all.
Ila's word bank seems to increase weekly with a new word or two. She has finally learned about syllables and is starting to say bigger words like hello, mama, dada and peepee quite frequently. It's nice to hear her vocabulary and language skills developing so
nicely. She is a major talker, but most people wouldn't know it because she is a very shy public speaker. She will say "hi" to anyone, but getting her to say much else in public is difficult.
Have I mentioned that she is a climber? Oh my, she climbs on
everything she can! Her daddy teaches her all about climbing! Most o the time it is not a big deal, as she can't really climb high enough to get hurt, but I have had to make a few changes to kee
p her safe. I ALWAYS have to put her tray back op on her highchair when she is not in it, otherwise she climbs on it when I'm not looking, stands up on it and then climbs on the counter tops. If she fell from there she would probably get seriously hurt! I'm very thankful we don't have stairs in our house, as she totally does not have a problem wit
h just stepping off them like they are a regular step. I found her a few steps form the top of a staircase this weekend at her Marma and Poppy's house and caught her JUST in time of a potentially bad fall. It jammed my wrist but I would rather that then a hurt Ila!
(guess which of Ila's parents taught her to do this!?!)

SO there is a little info on our 18 month old. She is as cute and sweet a
s can be, and such a blessing from the LORD! Oh, and she is a major cheesyball when she sees the camera!